


Irreplacable

by ReggieJackson



Category: Animaniacs
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Mild Hurt/Comfort, One Shot, Short Story, There Is Only One Of You song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:07:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27972833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReggieJackson/pseuds/ReggieJackson
Summary: When a simple mistake during the reboot's production leads to Ralph feeling unwanted, the Warners step in to give him a friendly reminder on how much he really is needed to them.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 50





	Irreplacable

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! Bet you didn't expect me to have something new before the year was out! I figured I'd go ahead and do a simple one shot. This one will be little bit different since it's not entirely humor based like my other stuff. I've been inspired to do this one not only after watching the entire first season of the reboot, but also through reading brand new fics posted on here and on Fanfiction.net. I haven't really experimented with doing more serious writing since Gang of Four, and with this being a one shot, it provides an extra challenge. But enough talking, onto the story!

Fall of 2018

Ralph Theodore Guard couldn't believe it, no way they would have forgotten.

"Dahh, are you sure my names not on there?" The security guard asked the studios new CEO. The studio was currently going through a major overhaul in preparation for the new reboot show coming. So he was surprised to be called up not for what shorts he'd be in, but what his future retirement plans were. When he told the CEO he had no plans of doing that just yet, this came up.

The female CEO, Nora Rita Norita, gave him an icy stare when she let him look at the information she'd received on a tablet. Ralph's flabby face hovered over the item in her hands; on it was a long list of old and new cast members that were planned to make an appearance in new Animanaics reboot, all in alphabetical order. Almost everybody he knew from the old cast was there; it even had the Mine and Newt the Dog. But not him.

Nora pulled the tablet away before the guards face left a smudge. "I can assure you Mr. Ralph, the Warners have clearly made no mention of you in the upcoming reboot." she told him. "Have they reached out to you personally?"

Ralph scratched his head. "Well… no."

"Then I believe that answers your question. Listen, unless those three gave either of us a notification about it. I see no reason for you to be in reboot"

Ralph was nearly at loss for words. This just didn't sound right. "But, But I've been on the show for years and..."

"Look, it's nothing personal. Actors deal with this all the time" Nora replied snidely as she put her tablet back on the shelf with the ten others she had. She turned to him with a distasteful stare. "And let's be honest, the dimwitted guard is a pretty common trope in cartoon media. Your role is replaceable."

"R-replaceable?"

"It means anyone else can play your part just fine. Probably better. The Warners don't need you." Nora said, barely looking up at him as she sat behind her desk. She picked up a thin booklet. "Now can you pleased be excused so I can go over this script? I'll have to pretend that I don't know those three."

Ralph shook his head. His feet nearly buckled from underneath his weight when he fully took everything he had just heard. He clenched his fist. "No! No! There's got to be some mistake!"

"We don't make mistakes here at Warner Bros. Ralph..." Nora said before she pulled at a lever at the side of her desk. "...we just remove them,"

Suddenly he felt the floor give way beneath him. The guard hollered when he disappeared into a dark chute before coming out an opening that had him crashing into a trashcan behind the office building, five floors below. Dazed and dizzy, he climbed out. He nearly face planted into the asphalt when he tripped on the railing and fell onto the ground.

Ralph wasn't sure if he really liked this new CEO. She wasn't like Mr. Plotz, the studio's old CEO who had retired earlier this year. Plotz at the very least would have had one mattress there to break his fall whenever he kicked him out like this. Pushing that thought out of his mind, he went back to work. And yet for the rest of his shift, he couldn't stop thinking about what the new CEO had said.

"I is replaceable?"

Later that evening, he went out for his final break for the day. Instead of staying near the front entrance booth, he headed over to the break room in studio building B3. This was where the studio's orchestral soundtracks would be recorded. He found the seats in there far more comfortable than one in his booth, plus it was always quiet in this building around this time. No one was around save for some empty chairs and lonely piano in the corner. Occasionally he would try to play the piano. Scratchensniff recommended that he take up a hobby, so he figured why not that. Problem was he barely had a musical bone in his body. He sat down and ate his lunch in silence.

He'd long since gotten used to the solitude, everyone else on the studio that didn't make fun of him from afar, often ignored him anyways. Most of the only times he ever really had good company was with Scratchensniff, Pinky, and the Brain, and he rarely had the chance to see the them during studio hours. They were always busy.

Then there were the Warners.

It had been a few months since he'd seen the trio last time. Last he heard from the trio they were taking a trip through Russia, why they were there he had no idea. Despite what the future reboot would soon claim, they hadn't exactly dropped completely off the radar, just from television. Ralph had heard how the Warners had been busy with various activities on and off the studio lot; world traveling, conventions, even script writing. Then again he knew the Warners were very adventurous and talented, something he wasn't.

So as result, Ralph saw them a lot less frequently than when he did during the show's original run. They would check in on him every now and then, most of the time it was to joke around or prank him, usually at his expense. Ralph usually didn't care. At worst he found their antics annoying at times.

At least they were one of the few people who actually paid him any attention when no one else would. So why would they not have him in the new show? He knew things changed, just looking around the studio was more than enough proof, but had the Warners changed too?

The slam of the door interrupted his train of thought. Ralph was certain no one else would be coming in this building after six today. When he looked behind him, he saw no one there. Shrugging, he went back to his lunch and opened an energy drink can. And they appeared.

The Warners sprang from inside his box. "Hellooo, Ralphie!"

Ralph screamed as he fell out of his seat, the contents of his lunch falling to the floor. The energy drink flew out of his hands and into Wakko's. The zany trio stood right over him on the table.

"I see our favorite guard is still light on his feet!" Yakko told him. "You know, those energy drinks aren't exactly good for you."

Wakko then finished off the entire energy drink in one gulp, tin can and all. Within moments his pupils shrunk, his feet also revved up into a locomotive blur. He was out the door in a second. Ralph got up from the ground. Before he could ask where he went, Dot tugged onto his warm grey shirt.

"What happened to your uniform?! Gray is so not your color!" Dot asked him. The guard gently put her back on the ground.

"Dah, it's a new one. Ahh, what do you guys want?" Ralph responded, trying his best not to let on that he was upset.

"Well, I'd like to become the first female CEO this studio," Dot answered. She then frowned. "Turns out that role already taken..."

"Wakko would like every person in the world to have their own refrigerator. And I'd like to renew my subscription to Disney Plus. The Mandalorian is good stuff!" Yakko said before leaning into Ralph's face. " Don't tell higher ups at Hulu!" he added with a brief whisper. "Until then, were just browsing!"

Just as Ralph noticed that his bit of dialogue sounded very similar to an old episode bit. Dot arched an eye at her older brother. "We're really rehashing old skits now?"

"Hey, new material doesn't come easy. But callbacks are!"

Right after he said that, Wakko reappeared back into the room with a few broken white shards in his hands.

"I'm back! I just broke the sounded barrier, I even have a few pieces of it!" he told them. He held up a few rounded sharp white pieces.

Dot picked up one of the pieces and eyed it. "I think that's probably Scratchensniff's white bust"

Yakko blew a kiss. "Goodnight everybody!"

While the Warners continued chattering amongst each other, Ralph said nothing as he gathered up his lunch box. He was too upset to deal with their zany antics, especially now. They had barely noticed he had already gotten up from his seat and moved to the piano at the corner of the room. He sat down in front of it and tapped a few random notes on it. The Warners paused; their smiles faltered for a moment before they came over and surrounded the burly security guard.

Yakko slid to Ralph's side while he continued to ping one note over and over. "So, uhhh how've things been with you?"

"Fine! Everytings fine." Ralph answered without looking at them. Wakko leaned forward, staring at the guard's finger still pressing the same note.

"You don't sound fine..." he uttered.

Ralph stopped pressing the note and sat up at attention. He forced a smile on his face.

"Duaah, Course I am, I even took up a hobby! Piano!" Ralph told them. He wiggled his fingers over the keys before trying his best to improvise on the instrument. Instead of the trio being impressed like he hoped, the Warners flinched at the discordant groups of notes he randomly pressed on the keys. "Maybe the studio will need one for a new movie coming up!"

Yakko was the first to respond. "Uhhh, Call it a hunch but, but I doubt Warner Bros is interested the avant garde playing style"

"Its not worse than Yoko Ono's music! So there's that!" said Wakko trying his best to sound encouraging.

"That's not a hard feat to beat, Wak" Dot muttered.

Ralph didn't know what avant garde was, but he knew that's not what he was trying to do. The smile he'd put on quickly went away once he stopped playing. Even he couldn't even bring even to pretend that what he played was good. He groaned loudly before crossing his arms.

"Ohh, why bother? I'd just get replaced in _that_ job too." he grumbled.

Dot arched her eyebrow with confusion. "Who would want to have you replaced?"

Ralph slowly turned to face the siblings with a glare. "I don't know, you three tell me!"

The three Warners winced at hearing him say that. For once, none of them were smiling.

"What are you talking about Ralph?" Yakko asked.

"Dah, the CEO already told me! You don't want me in the reboot!"

"That's not true! Of course we do!" Wakko replied.

"Well then how come early today, she showed me a list, _you_ sent, of all the cast members, except me?" Ralph asked, pointing an accusatory finger at them.

Yakko gasped before shaking his head. "Oh-no! She must have showed you the old list!"

"What old list?"

"That old one we emailed her earlier this week. We had to change because it was filled with typos, and some of the cast pulled out!" Dot explained before shooting an intense side eye at her younger brother. "Wakko accidently typed in Randy Bemeans twice name instead of yours by mistake."

Wakko glared back at her with a cellphone in hand... "It's not my fault! The auto correcting features on these Androids get everything I say wrong!" he said to her. "You said you'd proofread the list!"

"I didn't say…!"

"Hey, sibs!" Yakko snapped at them. Both of them instantly calmed down. "It was just an honest mistake, Ralph. In fact we just sent the new one to her just a few minutes ago. Come on, you know we wouldn't leave you out on purpose!"

"Baloney! You're just saying that!" Ralph said harshly. He turned his back to them. Ralph wanted to believe them. The Warners seemed like they were telling the truth, but for some reason despite their confessions, and from what he already knew from earlier today, he just couldn't bring himself to do it. "You don't need me…"

"Wha- why do you think that?" Yakko asked. Ralph turned back around.

"Cause you three can do all those great things! You already got other folks in the reboot who can do great things! Dr. Scratchensniff can talk about your feelings; those smart mice can make those gadgets! I can't do anything! I can't even play this!" he told them, his voice on the verge of breaking. The guard laid his enormous arms onto the piano, the keys letting out a discordant mess of noise. He buried his head into his arms with a sigh. "What do you need some dumb guard for? That new CEO is right, I is... replace, I'm replaceable"

The Warner trio looked at each other before looking back at him. They silently huddled around the massive guy. Ralph patiently waited for the Warners to respond, no doubt they were going admit that he was right and probably drop an anvil on him for good measure. Yakko was the first to break the silence when he patted a gloved hand on his arm.

"Ralph, you know that's not true." he told him. Ralph was slightly taken aback at how blunt and sincere his tone was. Dot lifted up Ralphs chin and guided it towards her.

"We wouldn't do the new show and forget you!" Dot told him. "You're first person besides us in that appears in the old show's intro!"

Ralph jerked his head away. "But, Scratchensniff appears before me."

"But, you're the only person who can chase us without getting tried after one hour!" Wakko added.

"But I never catch yous!" Ralph spat back.

"So, it's the effort that counts! You got a high tolerance for pain, how else would we know that our slapstick stunts aren't cruel and inhumane?" Yakko told him before making a sour grimace. "I did not mean for that to rhyme." He then looked down at the piano keys Ralph was laying on. "And, you _can_ play this piano."

Ralph got back up. "Huh?"

"Let me show you something..."

Yakko then slid into Ralph's lap so that he was facing the keys. He grabbed Ralph's left hand with his own.

"Hey what are yous doing?" Ralph exclaimed. Yakko held his hand in place, despite the guard's best efforts to pull it away. The eldest sibling wiggled his gloved fingers between the guard's meaty and rough ones. Behind him, Dot and Wakko pushed the chair so that they were closer to the keys.

"There's over a million piano songs out there in the world, but almost all of them have one simple thing in common." Yakko explained.

"What's that?" Ralph asked.

"All of them use a chord. To make one you need to play at least 3 notes." he told him. Yakko hovered the guard's fingers over a set of three keys, all them spaced apart by one extra key. "Try playing each note"

Ralph was a little unsure where he was going with this. But he pressed each note in succession of each other.

"Good, now with a good chord, you have to put all the notes together like one great trio."

"Like The Three Stooges" Wakko spoke up.

"Or Charlie's Angels!" said Dot.

"Or well, us." Yakko added with a warm smile. He guided the guard's hand to another set of three notes. "Now try again. But put it all together"

Ralph tensed up for a moment before he did as told and pressed all three notes at the same time. But instead of a mess of notes like he was expecting, a low melodic chord resonated from the instrument. He jerked back at hearing it.

"A chord! I just played a chord!" Ralph gasped. Even though it appeared incredibly simple, for him it was far ahead of what he spent months figuring out how to do by himself. Yakko then moved his hand over another set of keys. He gave Ralph a brief nod to try again. A different chord came, he moved it again, another one. And again, and again. "Oh, yes!"

"If you can play a chord, then you'll be able to play a song! First off, we need a song that's perfect for you..." Yakko told him. He flipped through different pages of a songbook perched just above the keys. He stopped at one Ralph vaguely recognized from the old show's later seasons, 'There's Only one of You'. "Hmm, haven't played this one in a while."

Yakko then tossed the song book to the floor.

"Uh, won't we need that?" Ralph asked.

"Its one thing to just play the notes, Ralph" Dot spoke up.

"You have to feel them as well." Wakko added.

With Yakko's hand controlling him, Ralph slowly played a series of chords that formed the songs recognizable melody. Yakko accented the chords with extra notes played on his right hand. As they played, the guard felt more comfortable with each chord, doing his best to remember them and watching where they laid on the entire row of keys. Suddenly the song switched to a faster upbeat tempo. The sound was similar to that of vaudeville like tune, but with a jazzy twist.

"Forgive me if I forget the words..." Yakko muttered briefly.

"What…?" Ralph asked, right before he was cut off by Yakko breaking into song.

 _There are fifty thousand diff'rent kinds of animals,_ _And there are fifty thousand more that used to be._ _There's a hundred million ants,_ _And a half a billion plants,_ _And a lot of fish down underneath the sea._ _There's gotta be a couple million spiders,_ _A hundred fifty million butterflies and bees._ _And a bunch of different mammals,_ _Like those elephants and camels,_ _And approximately fifty billion trees!_

Wakko climbed onto the piano and sang along with Yakko. " _But there is only one of you; that makes you special._ _You stand out among the other things, it's true!"_

Out the corner of Ralph's eye, Dot vocalized along with "oohs" in the background. She along with Wakko squeezed in on either side of him and played their own set of chords on opposite ends of the piano. Pretty soon all three of them were singing together.

 _Yes, the universe is large,_ _And whoever is in charge,_ _Made lots of things but only one of you!"_

Ralph could barely see his own fingers as the Warners hands zipped effortlessly on different keys.

 _"A one and a two and a three and a four!_ _A hundred and a thousand, and a million or more!"_ Yakko sang by himself. _"There's a hundred thousand people in Burbank._ _And there's couple thousand more that used to be._ _There in suburbs, in the hills,_ _In the mountains with the chills,_ _While the rest drive to the beach by the sea._

Ralph was so caught up in enjoying the song; he almost didn't notice the words were very different from what he remembered.

 _"Theres a thousand workers in this big studio,_ _Some are actors on the big movie screen._ _You got all the guards, and stuntmen,_ _And the, extras and cameramen,_ _And all the many different people there have been!"_

The tempo decreased back to a light slow tempo. The pinging notes gently flowed right into each other. Wakko and Dot had moved away from the keys. It was here Ralph suddenly noticed Yakko hand wasn't gripping the top of his own hand anymore. He looked down, while Yakko's right hand was still playing the extra notes, Ralph was actually playing the main chords himself! He was playing a song.

The Warners laid on the top of the piano, all singing in harmony. " _But there is only one of you; that makes you special._ _Yes there is nothing else exactly like you are!_ _Yes, the universe is large,_ _And whoever is in charge,_ _Made lots of things but only one of you!"_

Yakko rustled the guard's head as he sang the final verse. " _As you're unique and you're terrific,_ _And you're kinda built specific._ _'Cuz there's no guard who's the same,_ _As the guard that you became."_

"In fact you're kind of dim!" said Wakko.

"But we like you just the same!" Dot added before they all came together for one last verse.

" _Cuz you're the only one of you there are!"_

The four of them let the last chords of the song echo within the silence. Ralph closed the lid on the keys.

"Wow..." he uttered.

"Wow indeed, twenty years later and I still remember that song!" Yakko replied.

"I don't know, I think our voices were a bit rough on those last few notes." Wakko told him.

"I hope we don't have this problem when we have to finish the rest of songs for the reboot!" Dot spoke up.

Ralph looked down at his own hands before looking at the Warners. "It sounds fine to mes; even if you did forget some words." he told them.

Yakko gave a warm smile to the guard. "Who says we forgot? We sang everything we meant to say" he told him.

Ralph was stunned to hear that. Even though the song wasn't as polished as their usual stuff, it was slower, intimate, and also surprisingly personal. But they meant every word. And they did it just for him. In all the years he knew the Warners, they had never done anything as kind as what they did for him just now. He barely noticed that his eyes were now watering and wiped one of them.

"I- thanks, you guys."

"Ralph, you want to know why we don't think you're replaceable?" Yakko said.

Ralph took his best guess. "Cause I is one of your special friends?"

"Well, uhh… not exactly, you see we've made several kinds of special friends over the years…"

"In fact well be paying our _newest_ one a visit to her office tomorrow." Dot cut in, no doubt referring to the CEO. A hint of mischief was in her tone.

"But there are only a few people we consider a 'special' special friend." Yakko stated. "But the real question is this..."

"Do you consider us special' special friends too?" Wakko asked him.

Ralph was silent at first. He could hardly contain himself anymore as he barely fought back the tears that were falling from his eyes. Overjoyed, he grabbed them all into a tight hug with a grin on his face. While he always suspected for years that the Warners really cared about him, it really felt good to finally hear it from them for once. The Warners looked up at guard when he finally gave his answer.

"Yes."

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoyed this. Hopefully it wasn't too mushy or out of left field for these characters. But most of you who watch me already know I like to go off the beaten path every now and then with various characters. For all the new fans of the reboot that aren't too familiar with the original show, here is a link to the original song "There Is Only One of You": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcbZO51h6YA  
> Also here's a rough acapella version done by Rob Paulsen, who coincidently enough does perform it with a jazzer twist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eV7iREspq7U 
> 
> If I don't manage to produce another story by some Christmas miracle before the year is out, I'll leave you with these parting messages.
> 
> Feel free to check out my other stories such as 'Gang of Four' and "Lights, Camera, Cut!' Also, make sure stay safe, have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Thank you, and goodnight everybody!


End file.
